Lobster Killer . . . Qu'est-ce que c'est . . .

Date of Incident: Saturday, September 5, 2009

Time of Incident: 6 PM

Location of Incident: A West Virginia kitchen

Victim: See photo below

Investigator's note: Victim was still living when the above photo was taken. He (or she-- gender was hard to verify) was waking up from being stored in the cooler for several hours. Confined to the box and getting warm, the victim was getting restless. Something smelled fishy (sorry, couldn't resist).

Victim just before his (her?) untimely demise. Valiant escape efforts were made but were ultimately useless. Note that this was only the first of five lobsters who were part of the bloodbath. Perhaps there is a serial lobster killer on the loose.

Three of the victims after they were fished out of a pot of boiling water. Oh, the carnage. Gotta have a tough stomach in this business.

Lobster bodies were no longer locatable once they left the kitchen, although there was a distinctive aroma throughout the house for several hours. Empty shells were found in the garbage can, along with a few, well, green internal tissue, but the damage had already been done. Here we see what was in the back yard of said house. Could the lobsters have met their final fate here? I'm thinking yes.

Three local felines were questioned about the lobsters' fate. Here's what they shared:

Sable: I don't know. I was hiding in the basement. There were CHILDREN in my house!

Jesse: Mom promised me I'd get to eat a lobster liver if I kept my mouth shut. She didn't keep her end of the deal, so I'm squealing now. I watched it all, cleverly pretending to be dozing in the sunshine. Absolute carnage, I tell you! Lobster shells flying, water being poured out of empty claws, what a mess! Rumor has it there was a trifle served for dessert, but I didn't see that happen. Excuse me. I need to groom myself now.

Salamanca: I went into spy mode and pretended to be a lawn ornament the whole evening. Five lobsters were killed and disposed of in the back yard, along with copious amounts of lemon risotto, spinach and strawberry salad with goat cheese (which nobody let me sample, I might add), two kinds of artisan bread, corn on the cob, grilled chicken, tomato salad, and grilled zucchini and potatoes. No wonder humans weigh so much. Disgusting. And why were there children in my house and yard? Good thing they were allergic to me.

This case is still pending. I'm sure the lobster killer will strike again. Maybe this time I'll catch my criminal.

Hi diddley dee, a feline life for me

Hi to Mom's blog readers. While she's busy in the kitchen making soup and not allowing me and my sister to eat either the bacon OR the ham hock, I'm co-opting her blog. It's been a little disruptive around here the past five weeks, and I know you haven't gotten the full story. Mom reads this postmodern theory stuff that talks about needing multiple perspectives. Here's mine. First, though, here's me with my favorite birthday toy:

Note the irritation in my expression. It's not that I don't love my toy. I REALLY LOVE my toy. I don't know why; it just calls to me. I carry it around the house, meowing gleefully the whole time. I cannot peacefully sleep without it near me. It reminds me of the primeval need to swallow fur. I bring it to Mom to show her my carefully evolved hunting skills. If she would just let me outside, I could bring her something with REAL fur. Maybe even feathers. Sometimes she throws it and I humor her and pretend to chase it. I bring it with me to the bathmat while Mom showers she knows she is safe in the presence of a sabre toothed tiger descendant.

But I digress. Why am I irritated in this picture, besides the fact that Mom flashed a camera in my eyes at bedtime? Look at the photo again. See all the extra pillows? I hate them. They have been keeping me away from Mom's lap for five long, long weeks. Sure, she'll let me sleep on a pillow if it's on her lap, but that's not as comforting as actually BEING on Mom's lap. Why oh why won't she let me comfort her by curling up in her lap and purring? I know she's been healing from something, and I wanted to help, but that pillow was in the way. All I could do was sleep on her legs.

And you know what else? Strangers kept coming into the house! Some of them brought their kittens. Most of those people kittens were well behaved, but one tried to pick me up when I was sleeping on Mom (protecting her, really). He didn't understand my warning hiss, so I swiped at him. Mom wasn't happy that I swiped, but I was protecting her.

I also didn't understand why Mom couldn't feed my sister and I for a couple of weeks. She seemed like she couldn't bend over. Why was that? I would meow and meow and she would just look at me and say, "Sorry, you have to wait." I hated that! Good thing a couple of nice strangers came over to feed us and clean our litter boxes. Sometimes the strangers had a kitten tagging along, but we were hungry enough that we didn't care.



Things are different now. Mom can feed us. And guess what else? No pillow on Mom's lap! Mom even called to me that I could sit on her, but I haven't done it yet. What if it's a trick? What if she's not REALLY better from whatever kept her from letting me on her lap? I will be cautious. But Mom seems like she's back to her old self.

Hmm. Early morning seminary starts Monday. That means fresh muffins. I wonder if she'll leave them unsupervised so I can lick them?

Uh oh, here she comes. I'll just curl up in the rocking chair and pretend I don't know how to type.

New Year Resolutions

New school year resolutions, that is. The start of a new school year always feels more like starting over than January does. I love the coming change of seasons and the excitement of meeting a new group of students. With early morning seminary teaching starting again this year, combined with several weeks of post-surgery house confinement, I've had a LOT of time to reflect and plan.

Here's what I've come to realize: I have spent the majority of my adult life pushing myself far too hard. For the most part I've been able to get away with it and even convince myself that I had a balanced life. That does not mean that my resolution is to be a slacker. It does mean, though, that I need to find some ways to maintain real balance rather than the illusion thereof (ooh, that sounds kinda Biblical . . .).

I also realized tonight, while reading Doctrine and Covenants 127 and 128 for Sunday School tomorrow, that we can honestly be joyful no matter what's happening to us. I was struck by how full of optimism Joseph Smith is while he's writing these sections. The verses ring with joy and enthusiasm. And where was Joseph Smith while he was writing said sections? Hiding out somewhere outside of Nauvoo so that people wouldn't kill him. Yeah; he was hiding from killers and wrote these amazing verses as letters to sustain his fellow Saints. I got nothin' to complain about.

So here are some goals for the new school year:

1. Spend more time working from home rather than holing up in my office. For those readers who are not academics, this is going to sound weird, almost like I'm slacking from work. Quite the contrary. What I've learned from having to stay home these past few weeks is that *gasp* I actually can be MORE productive here because I don't have all the interruptions that happen on campus. If I really expect to get some research published, I have to write at home. So the goal is to have at least one day at home, preferably two.

2. No more forgetting to eat. Maybe forgetting isn't the right word; procrastinating is more accurate. I get busy doing something and think, "Hey, I'm kinda hungry. Nah, it can wait." Then I get busy again and forget until hours later, when I'm REALLY hungry. Several consequences: low blood sugar, which leads to crankiness-- and as I've learned this week, serious vertigo-- bad eating choices (hey, when I'm hungry and need food NOW, anything looks good), more expenses for groceries (because I buy junky stuff that I can consume quickly because I'm hungry NOW). I'm going to consciously plan my eating this semester. I've stocked my office with some foods that can be emergency snacks, and I'm planning meals more purposefully.

3. Along with not forgetting to eat, I need to eat BETTER food. Specifically, more fruits and vegetables. Experimenting with more whole grains, too. So far, oatmeal is my favorite breakfast option: I made it almost all the way through the morning without being hungry the other day.

4. Get those stomach muscles stronger! I start Pilates on September 8th. I've always wanted to have strong core muscles, but I figured it wasn't a big priority. You know, I was well, um . . . busy doing other stuff. My doctor says I have to keep my core muscles strong (for me, that means GET them strong) or my bladder could drop. Okay, that's enough motivation for me, thanks!

5. Don't overload my days. A new mantra: One or two and the rest can wait. Since I haven't been able to do a whole lot the past few weeks without being really tired, I'm learning to slow down. Slowing down reminds me how overcrowded I've made my life. I have way more energy now than I've had for months if not years, but I need to use that energy productively and wisely, not manically (is that a word?).

Whew! That's good for now. Really, ultimately, these five goals are about staying focused on what most matters: serving God. I can't do that if I'm physically wiped out. I can't be open to spiritual promptings if all I can think about is where I can get my hands on some chocolate. Or if I'm too exhausted to move, or too frantic about meetings and "to dos" that my mind can't calm down. I need to get back to the "one needful thing" and let anything not needful sit and wait.

link correction

I just checked out the link. It doesn't go directly to Norah the cat like I thought it would. It takes you to the msnbc home page. You have to click on "videos" and search out the top videos for the day (8/19/09) and you'll find it. Norah performed for the Today show. Wow. Makes you wish you had a cat, doesn't it? Or at least a musical one.

Who says cats don't got no talent?

Okay, MY cats have no talent, but THIS cat does:

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/32475749/ns/today-today_pets_and_animals/

Not that this cat is composing, but she's playing the piano. My cats just follow my hands in hopes of getting their ears scratched. They won't actually step on the keys; just the bench.

But if they could play, then they might let it go to their heads and get all prideful and stuff. We wouldn't want that.

In other news, I signed up to take steel drum lessons! They start September 11th. Every Friday until December 17th. Yay!

How's THIS, Julia Child?

The other night I went to see the movie Julie & Julia with a few friends. We turned it into an "event" by asking people to bring hors d'oeuvres first. Hey, can't be hungry before you see a foodie movie like this, right? It felt good to cook again after three weeks. Okay, so I didn't really cook per se, if you define cooking as "turning on a heat source and putting food onto it." My friend Sharleen made the little individual peach pies at the left. I made the tomatoes caprese at the right. Maybe "made" isn't the right term either. I grew the tomatoes and the basil, so that counts. And I drove to the store to buy the mozzarella cheese to slice up.

You know what else felt good? Making food pretty AND tasty. Very, very satisfying. (Note to Jenn: you can probably eat this recipe-- well, maybe not the cheese.) When I watched the movie and the Julie character said something about how satisfying it was to make good food, I was right there with her. Cooking is just plain satisfying.

I'm not about to cook my way through Julia Child's cookbook, but I want to buy it. Not going to steam any lobsters or make aspic or truss a duck. I love the idea of people loving beautifully prepared, healthy food, though. I wish there were a culinary school for people who don't want to be chefs but like to cook and want to do it better. Actually, that's what got Julia Child started: she wanted to cook better because she loved food.

Here's what else I thought while watching the movie: blogs can get out of control. There was a scene where Julie was about to publish to the blogosphere that she and her husband had just had a huge fight and he'd left. The camera focuses in on the computer screen from behind Julie's shoulder. She hesitates, then deletes the sentences. I almost cheered out loud. I love blogs and the idea of lots of readers to interact with. I worry sometimes, though, that blogs become public dumping grounds for personal information. Trust can be broken. People can be painted differently than they really are. Okay, the postmodernist in me understands that we always paint people differently-- including ourselves-- than they are. We can't help it. But while a blog pretends to be a personal journal, it's not. It's very public, even if only one or two other people read it. Blogs don't substitute for real life relationships.

Don't get me wrong-- I still like blogging. Watching this movie, though, reminded me that it's important to be careful what you blog about.

Now what can I cook?

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Recovery is teaching me patience. LOTS of patience. Every so often in my life I get yet another patience lesson. I have a hunch I'll keep getting them all my life. It's good for me to keep (re)learning patience. Heavenly Father knows what He's doing. Here are some things I'm learning:

I need to enjoy whatever time is right in front of me, even when I'm feeling bored and/or antsy to do something.

I SOOOOO overbook my time usually! If I stay focused on just one or two "to do" items in a day, life is a lot less frenzied.

Walk slowly. I overdid Monday and paid for it most of the rest of the week. Surgery recovery is teaching me that I've spent way too much of my life overdoing and then ignoring the consequences of overdoing. Gotta stop doing that.

There's a fine line between pushing myself to get stronger and overpushing. I've struggled with this line my whole life, so I guess it's about time to learn this lesson, huh?

Celebrate small victories: watering plants on my own (with a not all the way filled watering can), emptying the dishwasher, walking to the mailbox, folding laundry

Notice blessings along the way. I've had time to write thank you notes, time to prepare for seminary, time to just plain SIT.

Why does it take something as drastic as surgery to help me see this? There must be less drastic ways, right?