Why I hate to mow my lawn

Those readers who have received Christmas letters over the past two years have probably noticed a theme: I hate to mow my lawn. I thought I'd help you understand why. Granted, lawn mowing has NEVER been one of my favorite outdoor chores; I'd much rather be planting flowers or tomato plants. I never did like that old push mower where I had to get a running start to get at the really thick parts of the lawn (from, um, when I procrastinated mowing because I hated doing it). And hey-- how did my brother manage to never have to take the lawn mowing chore BACK after he got home from his mission? But I digress.

As you can hopefully see from the above photo, I live on a hillside. A STEEP hillside. The bank near the right-hand back corner of the photo is, I'm sure, causing rotator cuff damage each time I push the mower up it. There are no flat yards in Morgantown. Or rather, there's maybe one-- I think WVU's president might have it. Generally you can hope for some flat spots but not an entirely flat lawn. (Note: I should never have complained about mowing my lawn in Iowa City. It probably resulted in bad lawn karma now.)

When I moved here two years ago, I received two pieces of lawn mowing advice: 1) Never mow a lawn when it's wet (you'll slip and fall down the hill) and 2) Mow sideways along the hills rather than up and down. That would be great if the pitch weren't so steep that the mower tipped over. Not the case for the hills in my yard, so I mow up and down the hill. For those who have mocked me for purchasing a self-propelled mower: it is saving my life, probably literally. No way could I mow this yard without the mower being able to help pull itself up the hills.

Two lawn mower incidents, just to give a bit of perspective (and they're great stories):

Incident #1: Putting the mower away after finishing.

I was at the top of the bank in the far right corner of the picture, up at the street level (which, for more perspective, is an ENTIRE STORY higher than the bottom of my yard). I'd just finished mowing. I looked down the bank and thought, "Hey, my storage shed is right there. I'll just turn the mower off and gently let it roll down to the storage shed." That would assume that the mower rolled in the right direction and was stopped by the shed itself. You know that's not what happened. Instead, it missed the shed, rolled all the way down the yard, ran into the neighbor's fence, and tipped over. I'm amazed it started the next time I went to mow.

Incident #2: The bug in the eye.

I was at the front of my yard (not shown in picture), just about done mowing for the day. It was hot and buggy (muggy too, now that I think about it) outside. I felt a sudden sharp sting on my eyelid (closed just in time) as a biting insect smacked into it. I held onto the mower with one hand while yelling "OW!" and holding my other hand up to my eye. No bug-- so I decided to carefully park my mower and then go inside the house to see what damage had been done. I thought I was on a flat spot, but apparently I wasn't. I let go of the mower (which turned off automatically) and then watched it roll down the slope, jump the ditch, head down the street a block, jump the neighbor's ditch, and flip over entirely to land in the neighbor's yard down the hill. Definitely NOT good for the mower (but it started . . . I think I'll name my mower Timex). I then heard tires screech as an innocent passerby skidded to a halt and jumped out of his car, looking at the mower, then me. "Are you okay?" Fine. Just very embarrassed that anyone saw that.

So come visit, but don't try to mow. Maybe someday I'll have a yard service.