Hans and Franz: The Summer Workout

Are you tired of those flabby arms? Are you secretly afraid of having to write on the whiteboard because you don't want students to snicker at the chicken fat hanging down as you move your arms to write? Well fear no more! This summer workout plan will guarantee that your arms will be toned and muscular by the end of the summer. No pills, no steroids, no complicated equipment. Just do the following tasks and you'll be ready to show off those beautiful arm muscles in no time!

1. Lawn mowing. This must be done on a regular basis: every one to two weeks. The best mower is one of those old-school models where the blades only spin when you push. However, if you have any slope at all in your yard, this model could have the unfortunate side effect of a heart attack. A self-propelled mower is okay as long as you have slopes you have to push up for resistance. Just don't mow over your feet or damage a rotator cuff.

2. Sod removal. This exercise is terrific because it has two parts: actually removing the sod and then picking it up and putting it in garbage bags. These two parts are followed by

3. Garbage bag hauling. A wheelbarrow is permissible (see heart attack side effect warning in #1 above). Some dead lifting is permissible to build muscular strength.

4. Wall building. Digging the ditch for the first row of wall stones will build one set of arm muscles. Hauling the wall stones over to the ditch and laying them will build another set. Finally, shoveling gravel/sand to line the ditch prior to wall laying and against the back of each row will build yet another set.

5. Wallpaper removal. Who says arm workouts can only happen outdoors? Just pick up a wallpaper scraper and some DIF and you have a great workout when it's raining!

Limited space is available, so act now to be part of this exciting summer workout opportunity! Your arms will thank you.

Note: If you return in the fall, the painting workout option may also be available (possibly in the summer, depending on how diligent you are with #5 above). There may also be a rototilling option after #4. Does it get any better than this? No folks, it doesn't!