Date of Incident: Saturday, September 5, 2009
Time of Incident: 6 PM
Location of Incident: A West Virginia kitchen
Victim: See photo below
Investigator's note: Victim was still living when the above photo was taken. He (or she-- gender was hard to verify) was waking up from being stored in the cooler for several hours. Confined to the box and getting warm, the victim was getting restless. Something smelled fishy (sorry, couldn't resist).
Victim just before his (her?) untimely demise. Valiant escape efforts were made but were ultimately useless. Note that this was only the first of five lobsters who were part of the bloodbath. Perhaps there is a serial lobster killer on the loose.
Three of the victims after they were fished out of a pot of boiling water. Oh, the carnage. Gotta have a tough stomach in this business.
Lobster bodies were no longer locatable once they left the kitchen, although there was a distinctive aroma throughout the house for several hours. Empty shells were found in the garbage can, along with a few, well, green internal tissue, but the damage had already been done. Here we see what was in the back yard of said house. Could the lobsters have met their final fate here? I'm thinking yes.
Three local felines were questioned about the lobsters' fate. Here's what they shared:
Sable: I don't know. I was hiding in the basement. There were CHILDREN in my house!
Jesse: Mom promised me I'd get to eat a lobster liver if I kept my mouth shut. She didn't keep her end of the deal, so I'm squealing now. I watched it all, cleverly pretending to be dozing in the sunshine. Absolute carnage, I tell you! Lobster shells flying, water being poured out of empty claws, what a mess! Rumor has it there was a trifle served for dessert, but I didn't see that happen. Excuse me. I need to groom myself now.
Salamanca: I went into spy mode and pretended to be a lawn ornament the whole evening. Five lobsters were killed and disposed of in the back yard, along with copious amounts of lemon risotto, spinach and strawberry salad with goat cheese (which nobody let me sample, I might add), two kinds of artisan bread, corn on the cob, grilled chicken, tomato salad, and grilled zucchini and potatoes. No wonder humans weigh so much. Disgusting. And why were there children in my house and yard? Good thing they were allergic to me.
This case is still pending. I'm sure the lobster killer will strike again. Maybe this time I'll catch my criminal.
5 comments:
WOW, Sheila, have you been busy or what? Looks like the sort of inspiration stirred up by "Julie and Julia," was it not?
Loved the storytelling. (Can you invite me next time?)
You gotta do what you gotta do, I guess.
Oh, I wish I could have been there.
Come on over and we can do another lobster boil! Yes, definitely inspired by Julie and Julia. And Jenn, your kids would have been completely grossed out about the lobsters but fascinated at the same time. The four-year-old boy who was there was scared but then kept coming over to the pot to look. Hey, is lobster something you're not allergic to?
Not allergic. Just too expensive. I'll have to live vicariously though your blog.
Come on over and I'll cook you a lobster! Oh wait . . . that pesky airfare thing. Rats.
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